all the world's a stage!!!

Friends...

11:15 PM, Saturday, January 07, 2006 | Link to this post |

It was a very busy week! Thank God it's Saturday. But that would only be for a short time. I need to go back to Diliman tomorrow to start another week.

I really don't have anything in mind right now but I still managed to write something, just for the sake of writing. Hehe! I'm having a hard time with my quiet time right now. I can't manage to have it on a regular basis. I know this is not good since I am depriving myself of knowing God more. Accountability needed here!

I feel a little lonely right now because things are starting to change. The last two years have gone so fast and yet, a lot of things happened. Sorry for the vague thoughts that you have read. It's just that I'm having a hard time finding the right words and telling you what I really feel.

Before, I can't let go of my close friends even just for a little while. I always want to hang-out with them everyday after my class and spend almost the whole night talking to them. I always invite them to dinner even though I need to do a lot of things. If I have a problem, I always make it sure that they will be the one to know about it first. I would try to study my lessons while having loud conversations with them just to spend time with them. I wouldn't be able to sleep without sending them personal good night messages. It would take years for me to say goodbye to them and make it sure that I'm gonna see them the next day. I always want to have mushy conversations with them because I feel that I am important to them. I can't take the sight of them being with other people. My day won't be complete without them.

But that was before.

Everything has changed. Now, it would be easy for me to say 'no' to them if they invited me to have dinner. I would spend more time alone in the eng'g library or in my room than to hang-out with them. I never feel excited anymore after my class to have a glimpse of their faces. I wouldn't mind if I don't reply to their messages. A single goodbye is enough to tell them that I'm gonna leave. I now find it hard to open up my problems to them. I would feel uneasy while I'm having serious conversations with them. I would rather not talk to them and do some other things that I think would be more worthwhile. I would want them to be with other people than to have an unauthentic time with me.

You might think it's just made-up but it isn't. I'm experiencing all of those things nowadays. I don't know why. Maybe, I have a wrong definition of the word friend. Or maybe, I became tired of keeping my relationship with them as 'perfect' as possible, which is far from being true.

What do you think!?!

- Gian