all the world's a stage!!!

When The Oceans Rise And Thunders Roar

11:19 PM, Saturday, September 30, 2006 | Link to this post |

3 days without school, 3 days of boredom. 2 days without electricity, 2 days without the light. Trees being uprooted, friends being hard to find. Exams and class reports postponed. Oh, how can life be tougher than this?! Tell me!

What am I doing with my life? Am I gonna blame others for what's happening with me now? No, that's not the right thing to do. I think I'm learning my lesson. "Do not depend on people!" You see how traumatized I am since that very dreadful day. Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh....... I wanna scream my lungs out and tell the world that I can live without them. Now I'm living my life with 'skin-deep' relationships... Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh........

Why do I always need to be the last to know!!!!

- Gian

Changing My View

1:58 PM, Friday, September 15, 2006 | Link to this post | 0 comments

This is my first entry for the month of September, which means that I haven't posted here for a while. A lot of things happened, exams, Mariel's debut, etc. Before anything else, I would like to greet the one who's reading this ('coz I know that only a few visit my site) a very Merry Christmas! The 'ber' months are here. I think I should start thinking what gifts am I gonna give to my friends, as if namang makakapag-bigay ng gifts di'ba???... Hehe!!! Time runs so fast. Three weeks to go before the sem ends and finals week is just around the corner. Speaking of sembreak, I'm having a hard time deciding what am I gonna do with the month-long break from acads and everything. I have 4 events (2 youth camps and 3 sem enders for my orgs) that I think I need to go to. The first one is the LTI (Leadership Training Institute) from Oct. 23-26 at Royal Palm Palace Resort, Bay, Laguna. The second one is Square One (Stillwaters Church Camp) from Oct. 21-25 at JR's place, Natipuan, Batangas. The third one is the PSME-UPSU Sem Ender from Oct. 21-22 somewhere in Batangas. The last one is the UP Eng'g Soc Sem ender, date and place unknown yet. Obviously, most of those events overlap and I can't think of anything that I can do to attend those. Can I use the Time Turner Hermione used in Harry Potter 3 to attend all her classes at the same time? Well, I think this is not time for magic. Because of these overlap, big problems arise. Until know, I'm still undecided where am I gonna go to. I don't know what God is trying to say.

In terms of my acads, I'm having a hard time dealing with my subjects, especially with the results of my exams. I'm getting more and more frustrated with my exam results. After giving all my efforts and sacrificing a lot of things, all I got is a mediocre kind of grade? It seems like my efforts didn't do anything. Again, I don't know what God is trying to say.

Chnaging my view? What about it? I think everything in me is changing now especially the way how I view relationships. I'm trying now how to be independent from people, I'm trying how to do it all by myself because I realized that people would fail me, or worse, they would betray me. At last I got tired of being with the same people. I realized that you can do more things when you are alone. Besides, my relationship with my old 'friends' (because I'm not sure if they consider me as one, I think they have their own definition of this word) is as good as nothing because I feel like they don't care for me anymore. They got tired of my immaturity. The saddest part is that my relationship with them is affected as well as every aspect of my life. Studies, ministry, church, everything. But the aspect of my life that is truly, deeply affected is how I relate with people. Now I'm being cautious of how am I gonna relate with the people around me and the people that I'm gonna meet in the future. I need to decide on how am I gonna treat them, an acquaintance? a classmate? an orgmate? or just a nobody? As much as possible, I'm trying not to get along with others as easily as before. I'm afraid I might just be disappointed, because my very tendency whenever I'm having a new relationship is expecting something in return from the relationship. I'm afraid that I might fall in the same trap again, of not being productive without them. One thing I also learned from this experience is to never entrust your whole life to someone here on earth. I realized that I should trust God more than anyone else because again, people would fail me. Say I'm judgemental, presumptous, selfish, or bitter. But that's how my views were changed by those people who failed me. If you're reading this and you're one of them, magalit ka na kung magagalit ka. But consider living your life as if nothing happened between you and me. Rest assured that we got to know each other 3 years back just as skin deep as we were.

Now I know that nothing in this world is better than knowing that Someone will come to save you from the wickedness of this world and that Someone is willing to die for you. Regarding that statement, I would like to leave the lyrics of this song to you because I guess, this is the condition of my heart today...

You're the One
Written by Chris Tomlin, Jesse Reeves, Louie Giglio and Ed Cash
©2005 worshiptogether.com Songs

I heard Your song coming over the hill
I knew it seemed like the world stood still
You were singin a melody that caught me by surprise
Yeah it sounded familiar to me, like I'd known it all my life

And I keep looking down as I move in closer
My heart is racing now with fear and wonder
Could I come back to You so long on my own
From where I am, I know this is not my home

('Cause) You're the one I believe
A king, and friend has always been holding onto me
You're the one that I have seen
Your life and death the endless breath breathing into me

Just the mention of Your name and I know, I know I've found love
'Cause You're the one

High in a hidden world is where You are found
Where every living thing circles around
I find myself again where I used to be
With the rescued ones falling on my knees

('Cause) You're the one I believe
A king, and friend has always been holding onto me
You're the one that I have seen
Your life and death the endless breath breathing into me

Just the mention of Your name and I know, I know I've found love
'Cause You're the one

In Your presense there is mercy
In the fear, joy and the tears
It's Your goodness that keeps on, keeps on calling us here
Drawing us near

('Cause) You're the one I believe
A king, and friend has always been holding onto me
You're the one that I have seen
Your life and death the endless breath breathing into me

Just the mention of Your name and I know, I know I've found love
'Cause You're the one

- Gian