all the world's a stage!!!

Just Like The C(Cliche)-Clamp

2:02 PM, Friday, July 25, 2008 | Link to this post | 1 comments

Woke up lazily yesterday morning. Fridays have never been this boring, damn boring! I finished my Power Point presentation before going to school to meet with my scene partner in Theatre 12 and to block our scene. We have yet to memorize our piece. Gosh! we'll be the first pair to perform on Wednesday! Ack! Pressure on the way!

Got to the Engineering Metal Works Shop earlier than usual. This is actually the reason why I hate Fridays nowadays. I hate doing lab works during Fridays.

I hate spending 3 freaking hours in the soon-to-be demolished Engineering Shops. It's super hot in there and full of dust and crap. Oh well! I have no choice but to spend some of my precious time there. Two of my classmates were there finishing their projects as I entered the shop. By the way, we are to make a C-clamp from scratch. To kill the boring and lazy feeling, I turned my mp3 player on and listen to Jeremy Camp. It's so great working with music! As in! Jeremy Camp is damn good! Love his songs very much. I can relate to each of his songs.

I started working as the music played. I sing heartily while filing my C-clamp, slowly but surely. My classmates were like awestruck with my work. "Wow, ang kinis! Pwede ng manalamin!" Haha!! I was so damn good! Thanks to the advice of the manongs there. Hehe! Chillax lang guys! May next week pa to finish the project. Haha!

One thing I hate about the C-clamp material is that it easily gets rusted. You file it today then tomorrow it will turn red with rust. So you need to file it again. Damn it! I hate doing the same thing twice especially if you don't like what you're doing. So it means, next week, I need to file the surfaces of the C-clamp again. Haaayyy... Filing that thing over and over again is just super tiring! I can choose to leave it there for a while but I don't want it to get even rustier until it can't be filed anymore.

Something's going on in my head as I do my project. What am I gonna do after graduation? Will I be able to finish well? Will I spend my weekend with my family? What do I really want to do with my life? What are my plans in life? How am I gonna do my report on Monday? How am I gonna start my ME 155 project? Haaayyy... Nakakapagod mag-isip until I notice my C-clamp. Nakakapagod ding mag-file. If only this freaking piece of metal doesn't get rusty at all, my job would be easier.

A thought suddenly came into my mind. (Cliche na 'to. =P) I saw myself as the C-clamp. (So what? We've heard that story a lot of times!) Oftentimes, I get rusty as I do a lot of stupid things that destroy myself. I dwell on so many temporal things. I think of impure thoughts. I hurt a lot of people. I have a callous heart. Rusty! Very rusty indeed. Whenever I feel this way, I always go back to my Creator. Then He will be the One who will file me. He will be the One who will refine me. He will be the One who will cleanse me. After being filed, I will go back to my old ways. Then I will get rusty again. Then my Creator would take me back and cleanse me and refine me once again. Then the cycle continues like a saga of never-ending struggles.

I started asking myself, does my Creator ever gets tired of filing me over and over again? Hindi ba siya nagsasawa sa mga struggles ko na paulit ulit lang? Hindi ba siya naiinis sa akin because I'm not growing in my faith? Did He ever thought of leaving me there and watch me rust more?

But thank heavens my Creator is not like that! I just realized that even though I keep on going away from Him, He will always be there to wait for me and welcome me in His arms of love. Just like a Father who longs to be with his son. Just like a Friend who wants to spend time with you. Just like a Teacher who will teach you so many things. Just like a God who never fails. God loves me more than I could ever imagine. It has always been my prayer that I may know Him more, that I may trust Him with every detail of my life. I wanna thank Him for giving me this chance to live and experience this kind of love, a love that overflows that I can't contain. God loves me so much! And I think that's enough reason for me to be glad.

Thanks to Manuel Portento Jr. whose hands are shown in the picture above. =P You saved the day!

- Gian

Not Another Blog Entry From Me

2:24 PM, Wednesday, July 09, 2008 | Link to this post | 0 comments

People change. Things change. Perhaps these are the most depressing words that I've ever heard. I never thought that things would end up this way. Here I go again. Putting my heart out on this 'imagined reality' of mine as if someone would listen, as if someone would care. I bet most of the people who would at least read the title of this piece of crap would tell me, 'God will be there for you,' 'God cares,' 'I can pray for you,' 'Depend on God,' etc, etc. As if those words would immediately ease the burden. Of course not. It's really effortless to say those words, even an unbeliever can say that to me. It takes some time for a person to believe that especially if you're in the same situation as mine.

I'm tired of people saying that they miss me so much but in reality, they would just like to make a clean image of themselves, that they 'really' care for me. Same with people who would say they would love to spend time with me but when I get the chance to spend time with them, they won't even notice me and they would be busy playing games with the same group of people from God-knows-where over and over again. Some would even choose to spend time in front of their new laptops than spending a second or two with me. Imagine having these kinds of people whom you consider as your 'family.' After taking everything they could from me, they would just throw me away. They're not my family after all.

It's always been like this! When will I learn to accept the fact that people change, that they don't want to spend too much of their freaking time with me? When will I learn to do things on my own not depending on them? God! I'm so tired of it! How will I be able to grow in my faith if those people who are meant to help me are the ones who pull me to the depths of the earth? When will I learn to change?

Things really have changed. If you think that this is an issue about me feeling neglected, rejected, and taken for granted, congratulations! Yes! It's definitely true! THE BIGGEST LOSER ON EARTH is born once and for all! Bullies, jerks, and suckers (it's up to you what do you wanna call yourself, but for me you're all just the same!), come and get me! This is your chance to show the world how 'strong' and how STUPID you all are!

- Gian