Gian Alvarez

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Gian Alvarez

In you, O Lord, I have taken refuge; let me never be put to shame; deliver me in your righteousness. Turn your ear to me, come quickly to my rescue; be my rock of refuge, a strong fortress to save me. Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me. Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge. Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O Lord, the God of truth. -Psalm 31:1-5 (NIV)

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Increasing Entropy
10:02 AM, Tuesday, August 28, 2007 | Link to this post | 0 comments

Entropy - A measure of disorder or randomness in a system. The 2nd law of thermodynamics states any spontaneous change is accompanied by an overall increase in entropy overall. For example, when water evaporates molecules are dispersed over greater distances resulting in an increase in entropy. (www.visionlearning.com/library/pop_glossary_term.php)

After reading the 'nosebleeding' definition of that where-did-it-came-from word, I hope that you are still on your normal mind. Anyway, If I am the system that is being defined there, I can say that right now, I'm in a state of increasing entropy. I'm having a hard time with my studies. I'm having a hard time dealing with people closest to my heart. I don't know what am I gonna do with my DG in CCC. I haven't been spending quality time with my family. My last major exam was a failure. I still have a grade of zero in our ME 186 probset (my professors fault actually). I'm losing my credibility as a Praise and Worship songleader in our church and in CCC. I don't understand why am I having a hard time sharing the Gospel to my freshmen friends. Is there anything more frustrating than these things?

I feel lonely these past few days. Aside from the fact that I really won't be able to graduate on time, I'm having a hard time dealing with more personal problems. And those problems really inflict pain in me whenever they cross my mind. I would spend more time alone in my room contemplating, thinking of ways how to deal with my struggles. The sad fact is, no one is willing to help me, not even my closest friends, not my Bible study group leader. It seems like I would be doing it all by myself now. I think God is teaching me to stand alone. Besides, I'm tired of asking people to help me. I'm tired of expecting them to really care. Well in fact, the opposite happens... that's why I'm tired.

Things change. Everything changes. I remember one text message from a friend saying that change is the only thing that is not permanent in this world. True isn't it? I think that's the thing that makes things difficult for me nowadays. Everything won't be the same again. The way I talk to people, the way I see the world, the way how I solve problems... they all have changed and I'm afraid... for the worse.

- Gian

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